just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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