How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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