tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
