Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
