I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
