I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
