When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
