I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
