At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
