There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
