loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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