She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
