we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
