Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
