You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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