So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
