Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
