I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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