you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize