Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
