ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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