Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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