He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
