If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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