so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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