You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize