I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
