you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
