I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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