He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
