Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
