loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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