Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
