I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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