Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
