the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
