OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
