I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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