the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
