there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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