So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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