she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
