I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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