his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
