btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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