I wish I could teleport
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
