yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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