WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
