That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
