Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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