She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
