Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
