I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
