Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
