On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
