babies were throwing up all over the place
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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