I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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